5 Examples in Counseling: Textbook Vs. Reality
As both a student and a patient of counseling, I enjoy a unique perspective on the nuances of counseling as a practice. Although I am sure that my perspective will evolve dramatically with experience, I find myself keenly aware of the differences between what is “correct” from a textbook standpoint, and how “real therapy” plays out. In an age where most consumers do thorough research before making a decision, I thought this post could be helpful for those who enter counseling with skewed expectations based on what they read online or watch on social media. So, let’s explore a few ways in which real-life therapy differs from the textbook approach.
Therapy is not the same as coaching. Therapy should be focused on the client and their point of view, not the counselor’s. If your counselor is one who loves to share their perspective and give directive advice, that is more of a coach than a counselor. While this approach can have advantages, it is fundamentally different and can rob clients of the opportunity to truly change.
Therapy should be focused on YOU! As an extension of the last point, it is important to remember that although the occasional self-disclosure from your therapist is alright and can even be helpful, some therapists can get carried away. If your therapist is regularly drawing comparisons from your life to theirs and seems comfortable openly discussing their lives in session, this is a red flag. Self-disclosures should be used sparingly and carefully on the end of the counselor.
Your counselor should have some sort of theoretical orientation, and you should know what it is! Some counselors follow a strict theory or approach, while others rely on their intuition. Beginning counselors will often lean strictly on their approach while more experienced counselors have the wisdom to use their instincts more in session. However, in my experience there are also counselors who basically wing it. If you think this might be the case for you, feel free to ask your counselor what their theoretical orientation is. Researching their approach can give you a better feel for whether you’ve found a good fit!
Diagnoses are rarer than you think! Learning about mental disorders can sometimes make you believe that you have one, especially when working with incomplete information. It is all too common to see social media videos claiming that people with certain personality traits are narcissistic, or OCD, or sociopathic. These videos fail to capture the nuance and intensity of diagnoses, and chances are they are pushing incomplete and likely inaccurate information to attract views and clicks. So please be aware that your counselor is more qualified than an internet video when diagnosing you (or not diagnosing you!).
It probably is about mommy or daddy. It is not uncommon for people to scoff and roll their eyes when they hear the cliched question “what was your childhood like?” People love to believe they are sophisticated, autonomous beings, independent from their families. However, we are all a product of where we came from. Although it is popular to hate on Freud, he was right in identifying that chances are, your childhood holds invaluable insights into your psyche. In fact, the first 3 years of your life sets the stage for who you will become. That’s not to say you cannot make changes as an adult and along the way, but please do not dismiss the importance of examining your childhood.
Every client is different, with their own set of needs and communication preferences. It is important to remember that this holds true for counselors as well. Although there are aspects of science in counseling, it is a fundamentally human process which cannot be reduced to a checklist. That is why it is important to do your due diligence in finding a therapist. Use the above list to find someone who is sound on their fundamentals, but do not forget the importance of feeling comfortable in their company.
