Family Trauma and Countertransference
Of the countless influences in a person’s life, one’s family is one of the most impactful. Mark Wolynn uniquely illustrates this point in his book It Didn’t Start With You. Wolynn approaches this topic through the lens of psychology and epigenetics, demonstrating how the past lives of our families live on through our own experiences. He notes, “Tragedies varying in type and intensity—such as abandonment, suicide, and war, or the early death of a child, parent, or sibling—can send shock waves of distress cascading from one generation to the next”. This notion that our ancestors live on through us is one that many consider intuitive and true. However, with a modern Western zeitgeist that celebrates independence and agency, it has become more common for others to regard themselves as true individuals, bearing little or no connection to the past before them. I view human beings, both past and present, as inextricably intertwined. I believe our ancestors live on through us. As such, we need to make an effort to understand how our families have influenced us
From a personal perspective, attempting to fully understand the influence of my ancestral past is an implausible task. However, it is manageable to recognize and comment on the broad strokes of how my own family has impacted my development and, ultimately, my path to becoming a counselor. For example, I recognize my father's entrepreneurial spirit within myself, shared by his father before him. I believe this played a significant role in leaving a lucrative career to pursue counseling, a profession, and path that I consider to be entrepreneurial. I also recognize a certain philosophical perspective that both of my parents shared and that I inherited. Because of them, I like to feel and think deeply, often getting lost in the curiosities of life. This quality, based on my time in the field of counseling, seems to be a foundational one for most therapists.
Many therapists also bring a keen awareness of the importance of recognizing their family history into their sessions. However, the phenomenon of countertransference is still one of many challenges of the profession. As counselors, many aspects of our past affect the way we view and treat our clients. How we interact and deal with our families can be one of the most intrusive dynamics, obstructing progress in the context of the therapeutic process. As such, it is worthwhile for us to explore these dynamics and become familiar with them to better identify and prevent them from showing up in session. Again, reflecting on my own family, I recognize several patterns that have the potential to either enhance or hinder me as a therapist. Chief among them is a pattern of being quick to assign value judgments, both on ideas and on people. This is one of the most immediately recognizable characteristics of my family and is something I continue to grapple with in my professional role. Allowing this pattern of communication and judgment into the therapeutic space could be severely damaging to the trust of a client. In turn, it could impede the therapeutic process and tarnish the bond between us.
On a deeper level, my family also places great value on the idea of being capable and independent. Whether or not this contributed to my personal value of independence, I must recognize that as a value that may not be shared by my clients. This is especially true when considering counseling through a multicultural lens, taking into account that many first- or second-generation immigrants may not share this same value. Independence is especially celebrated in Western countries, including the United States, but by no means is it ubiquitous. For that reason, it is important to be aware of my values and avoid pushing them onto my clients.
These examples can be extrapolated to the broader profession of counseling. Too often I hear from disgruntled former counseling clients about how their therapist continually brings their own beliefs and experiences into the room, stifling their ability to express themselves freely. I believe part of the answer to this issue is for therapists to pursue personal and familial examination. Understanding where we come from, can provide tremendous insight into why we see things the way we do, and hopefully disillusion us from believing that we see the world more clearly than our neighbors. It Didn’t Start With You is a wonderful first step towards that understanding which I highly recommend to all counselors. Happy reading!
